My lockdown fitness / coping regime keeps reminding me of a thing I once wrote, so I re-made it better and 'now'...
"Physical training is of some value" (1 Timothy 4:8a). I really enjoy that this is in the Bible, even if it's primarily as preamble to the weightier remark that "godliness is valuable in every way".
Not gonna argue with that – and besides, for me, there's a link. I pray while I workout and, on a good day, the self-discipline of getting my body to do stuff plays a part in building my general capacity for endurance and godly self-discipline. It also has a profound impact on my mental health – I grew up actively fearful of exercise and am hugely grateful to have discovered, in my twenties, that it can be a) enjoyable and b) effective in managing some cases of anxiety and depression. (Control issues and over-attachment to routine mean that it's not a wholly uncomplicated "good" – but then, is anything?)
Physical training has certainly been of value to me during "these unprecedented times". Most mornings I wake up feeling ... well ... I don't know how to quantify it, but not great. But I point my body in the direction of the day and say "go" and, persons being the complex, integrated systems that we are, my mind usually comes along for the ride. "Keeping on" has got to be better than not "keeping on", right? At any rate, I'll take it gladly, while I can. (And I will seek other forms of help if and when appropriate).
I learned a thing in Hebrew class (actually, I learned a few things; it's kinda weird I haven't written about any of them here yet): verbs in biblical Hebrew have a dedicated conjugation for when you're telling or encouraging yourself to do something. It's called the 'cohortative mood'. There's no direct English equivalent; we might express it with a word like 'let's', for example – which is technically first person plural but, in the absence of an alternative, can be made to make sense in the singular. As in "let's get out of bed!", "let's have a cup of tea!", "let's cardio!"... Grammatical inexactness aside, it's certainly a 'mood' I am familiar with.
Not – REALLY not – in any sort of Power of Positive Thinking sense! There's no simple thinking your way out of mental illness; there's no thinking away structural injustice either, for people who are disproportionately harmed, constrained and burdened by systems of oppression. It is untrue and ultimately abusive to suggest that we'd all do great if only we went at life with maximum optimism, and it's especially disturbing when this prescription is theologised and framed in terms of "faith" in "God's promises". God doesn't promise us lives of ease, happiness, perfect physical and mental health, triumph over all adversity; God does, I believe, join with us in self-emptying solidarity at the acutest extremes of our suffering – and reveals, in Jesus' resurrection, that pain and evil and injustice will not / do not get the final word.
In the meantime, I have whatever options I have (not all of which are available to everyone, and that calls for humility and acknowledgement of privilege), and among the less awful ones, some are easier to talk myself into than others. Which is not to claim that they are the 'best' ones. No doubt I have braver, nobler options if only I was willing to hear myself out on them. (Although, maybe they're not options until I'm ready to hear them. Or maybe I'm using that as an excuse to not listen. I could go back and forth like this for hours ... I frequently do ... They are not normally my most 'fruitful' hours ...)
I'm reminded of one of the verses I memorised during a teenage stint of earnest, raw "perseverance" – before I'd learned about medication, exercise, counselling, all of which helped me to unlearn the teaching (still upsettingly popular in respected circles) that mental illness is a failure of faith. While it's not technically in the cohortative, it's addressed (in the second person) to the psalmist's own nephesh, so operates to similar effect:
STAY IN PLACE
and: hold.
you’ve found the secret of eternity,
your belly button pulling in towards your spine –
eyes fixing, face like flint,
as seeming poised as you can seem to be,
remembering to breathe.
remembering to – (one) you count the
ringing in of (two)
the evening news. whole empires
(three) decline and fall between each (four)
recorded chime; tectonic (five) contractions,
famine, wars and (six)
the rumour of a vaccine.
steady now. your hips
are up a little; bring them in but do not let them
sag; and: breathe.
the world in solemn stillness tries
to hold its own together, separately.
so focus on the headlines; keep your head
in line and inattentive
to the quiver at your core;
ten seconds more –
and: rest. you have until eternity tomorrow.
Carolyn Whitnall, 2018/2020.
"Physical training is of some value" (1 Timothy 4:8a). I really enjoy that this is in the Bible, even if it's primarily as preamble to the weightier remark that "godliness is valuable in every way".
Not gonna argue with that – and besides, for me, there's a link. I pray while I workout and, on a good day, the self-discipline of getting my body to do stuff plays a part in building my general capacity for endurance and godly self-discipline. It also has a profound impact on my mental health – I grew up actively fearful of exercise and am hugely grateful to have discovered, in my twenties, that it can be a) enjoyable and b) effective in managing some cases of anxiety and depression. (Control issues and over-attachment to routine mean that it's not a wholly uncomplicated "good" – but then, is anything?)
Physical training has certainly been of value to me during "these unprecedented times". Most mornings I wake up feeling ... well ... I don't know how to quantify it, but not great. But I point my body in the direction of the day and say "go" and, persons being the complex, integrated systems that we are, my mind usually comes along for the ride. "Keeping on" has got to be better than not "keeping on", right? At any rate, I'll take it gladly, while I can. (And I will seek other forms of help if and when appropriate).
I learned a thing in Hebrew class (actually, I learned a few things; it's kinda weird I haven't written about any of them here yet): verbs in biblical Hebrew have a dedicated conjugation for when you're telling or encouraging yourself to do something. It's called the 'cohortative mood'. There's no direct English equivalent; we might express it with a word like 'let's', for example – which is technically first person plural but, in the absence of an alternative, can be made to make sense in the singular. As in "let's get out of bed!", "let's have a cup of tea!", "let's cardio!"... Grammatical inexactness aside, it's certainly a 'mood' I am familiar with.
Not – REALLY not – in any sort of Power of Positive Thinking sense! There's no simple thinking your way out of mental illness; there's no thinking away structural injustice either, for people who are disproportionately harmed, constrained and burdened by systems of oppression. It is untrue and ultimately abusive to suggest that we'd all do great if only we went at life with maximum optimism, and it's especially disturbing when this prescription is theologised and framed in terms of "faith" in "God's promises". God doesn't promise us lives of ease, happiness, perfect physical and mental health, triumph over all adversity; God does, I believe, join with us in self-emptying solidarity at the acutest extremes of our suffering – and reveals, in Jesus' resurrection, that pain and evil and injustice will not / do not get the final word.
In the meantime, I have whatever options I have (not all of which are available to everyone, and that calls for humility and acknowledgement of privilege), and among the less awful ones, some are easier to talk myself into than others. Which is not to claim that they are the 'best' ones. No doubt I have braver, nobler options if only I was willing to hear myself out on them. (Although, maybe they're not options until I'm ready to hear them. Or maybe I'm using that as an excuse to not listen. I could go back and forth like this for hours ... I frequently do ... They are not normally my most 'fruitful' hours ...)
I'm reminded of one of the verses I memorised during a teenage stint of earnest, raw "perseverance" – before I'd learned about medication, exercise, counselling, all of which helped me to unlearn the teaching (still upsettingly popular in respected circles) that mental illness is a failure of faith. While it's not technically in the cohortative, it's addressed (in the second person) to the psalmist's own nephesh, so operates to similar effect:
Why are you downcast, O my soul?I still catch myself reciting this by way of routine self-exhortation. These days, though, I hear it rather differently: less an impatient, reproachful instruction to myself; more a compassionate encouragement that finds reassurance in the relatability of the psalmist's experience. Sometimes there is hope, and sometimes there is frank admission of its absence, and a weary inclination of the will towards it. And that, I think, is faith – not lack of it.
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and my God. (Psalm 42:11, in the 1984 edition of the NIV, as this is the version I apparently memorised, though it took some finding!)
[Thumbnail image cc by Form on Unsplash.]
Comments