Critic Cal

Six days before the Passover Jesus came to Bethany, the home of Lazarus, whom he had raised from the dead. There they gave a dinner for him. Martha served, and Lazarus was one of those at the table with him. Mary took a pound of costly perfume made of pure nard, anointed Jesus’ feet, and wiped them with her hair. The house was filled with the fragrance of the perfume. But Judas Iscariot, one of his disciples (the one who was about to betray him), said, “Why was this perfume not sold for three hundred denarii and the money given to the poor?” (He said this not because he cared about the poor, but because he was a thief; he kept the common purse and used to steal what was put into it.) Jesus said, “Leave her alone. She bought it so that she might keep it for the day of my burial. You always have the poor with you, but you do not always have me.” ( John 12 :1-8) CONVENTION Zadok the priest, and Nathan the prophet, And Mary with about a pint of nard At dinnertime, and all the peopl...

One of my favourite stories in the gospels is that of the “ bleeding woman ” who reaches out for healing amidst the bustle of the crowds around Jesus. I love how it’s juxtaposed with that of Jairus – a prominent community leader also seeking Jesus’ compassionate intervention – and how Jesus goes out of his way to ensure that she is seen, heard, honoured and remembered (as well as healed) no less than the man of high status. I got a bit upset, recently, on hearing the harmlessly-meant suggestion that her faith had somehow been "smaller" than that of Jairus, because she acted in secret and with "less to lose". This analysis, I felt, failed to do justice to the gap in privilege, opportunity and sense of entitlement between the two supplicants, and to her courage in overcoming that gap. (Note, in particular, that when she does actually reveal herself it is an act of brave obedience with nothing to gain and everything to lose, as she has already been healed ). For me...

No one enters suit justly;       no one goes to law honestly; they rely on empty pleas, they speak lies,       they conceive mischief and give birth to iniquity. They hatch adders' eggs;       they weave the spider's web; he who eats their eggs dies,       and from one that is crushed a viper is hatched. Their webs will not serve as clothing;       men will not cover themselves with what they make. Their works are works of iniquity,       and deeds of violence are in their hands. Their feet run to evil,       and they are swift to shed innocent blood; their thoughts are thoughts of iniquity;       desolation and destruction are in their highways. The way of peace they do not know,       and there is no...

You've let yourself go, you're a 3, you're a 9 but you're vain, you're too thin, you're too fat, you're too much at the gym, you have body hair, pores, too much make-up, you're dressed like a frump, like a tramp, you're a prude, you're a prick-tease, a turn-off, a slut, you're too girly, too butch, you're not smiling, you're endlessly styling your hair, it's too frizzy, too flat, you spend too much on products, you're visibly ageing, you must have had work done, you've lapsed in your duty of care, you're no more than a housewife, you're too career-driven, you've got no ambition, you're talking too much and too loudly, you've nothing to say, you're a bimbo, too smart, too assertive, a doormat, behaving too much like a man, you're a typical woman. In short, there are no "fine lines" here: achieving acceptable womanhood isn't a balancing act, it's impossible. Logically  imp...

I will worship ( I will worship ) With all of my heart ( with all of my heart ) I will praise You ( I will praise You ) With all of my strength ( all my strength )  I will seek You ( I will seek You ) All of my days ( all of my days ) And I will follow ( I will follow ) All of Your ways ( all Your ways )...  David Ruis, Maranatha Praise, Inc., 1991 For the uninitiated, this here's a song that the medium-to-considerably happy-clappy sing in church. And in case you're wondering, the bits in brackets are an echo 'traditionally' sung by the female members of the congregation. The pattern is not ubiquitous, but neither is it rare (and never, to my knowledge, is it inverted). The other day, I had the rare joy of standing next to my sister in church, and I noticed that she was singing, not the 'response', as prescribed, but the 'call'. In a momentary pang of vicarious embarrassment I nearly nudged her – much as I would intervene if she was accid...

I've been writing sporadically about my dawning realisation that patriarchy really is a thing and that we need to be intentional about resisting it. But there's a word I've been avoiding, a label that I duck away from like a conference-goer trying to dodge the smiley person with a roll of stickers: Feminist. So ... am I? Do I need/want that sticker? I know I didn't used to be. I used to be, I'm sad to say, the archetype of an  internalised misogynist . Women were tiresome; inequality hardly surprising given our inferiority; feminism just one big petulant fuss. I've written elsewhere about my  serious re-think . Still got a lot to learn, of course (a  lot ). But I have very much come to recognise the strikingly sexist nature of human-on-human oppression. And I feel a growing burden to find ways to actively oppose that (starting with myself!) That certainly  sounds  like what it means to be a feminist ... at least, as I understand it. I have some reser...

And there was a man named Andrew Gower. He was a former politician, and was rich. And he was seeking to see who Jesus was. Jesus was trending on social media. But Gower could not access it, because he had deactivated his accounts. (This had taken place when news of his expenses first made print. In those days, many people were poor, and the government did not find anything they could do, because they feared for the economy. So when the voters heard about his second home, they all arose against him.) So he went online and made a pseudonym, and followed all the conversations that were passing. And he marvelled at the things that Jesus was reported to have said and done. But one day, someone saw a photo on his profile, and rebuked him, saying “Are you not the man who spent our taxes on an ornamental fountain?” And there arose an uproar among the people. “Away with such a fellow from the earth!” they tweeted. But Jesus said : “Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears ...

There's this Rowan Atkinson sketch where he does a comically solemn vicar character delivering a sermon about "The Amazing Jesus" -- And on the third day, there was a marriage in Cana of Galilee. And it came to pass that all the wine was drunk. And the mother of the bride came to Jesus and said unto the Lord, they have no more wine. And Jesus said unto the servants: "Fill six waterpots with water." And they did so. And when the steward of the feast did taste from the water of the pots, it had become wine. And they knew not whence it had come. But the servants did know, so they applauded loudly in the kitchen. And they said unto the Lord: "How the hell did you do that?" And inquired of him: "Do you do children's parties" And the Lord said: "No." But the servants did press him, saying; "Go on, give us another one!" [...] And they brought him on a stretcher a man who was sick of the palsy. And they cried unto him:...